For those of us who enjoy a) feeling superior in the face of truly awful legal writing; b) perusing the website Etsy in search of unique, handmade gifts; and/or c) thinking about the way in which the Internet presents new challenges and opportunities for the law and lawyers, this post from the website "Regretsy" is a must-read. A sample of the cease-and-desist letter at issue:
Were one of the statements to be true, truth would be absolute defense. Many of the people making these comments are wreck less fools but the burden of proof is on the person making the comment each of which may be sued individually requiring separate counsel or at our election in such group as we decide. Obviously jurisdiction will lie in California with venue in Los Angeles. There is a requirement under California law that a retraction filled immediately upon request may mitigate damages. So you are hereby notified, and I failure to retract under certain circumstances allows for allegations of punitive damage which will certainly be our intention.
And here's a sample from a letter sent in response to the cease-and-desist letter, from the Regretsy post, "No, You Cease and Desist":
In my seventeen years practicing criminal law, I have only seen such preposterous accusations of crime from pro se litigants and the intractably mentally ill. In addition to being ridiculous on its face, your threat is a direct violation of California Rule of Professional Conduct 5-100(A), which provides that a member of the California bar "shall not threaten to present criminal, administrative, or disciplinary charges to obtain an advantage in a civil dispute." Cease your unethical and unprofessional threats immediately.
The rest of your letter relies on vague and bumptious legal threats buried among misspellings, bizarre malapropisms, misstatements of law, and gibberish. ...
